Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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