We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
