i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
