All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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