Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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