is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The air taste purple.
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