Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
