I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
