nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
