my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
