watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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