Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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