I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm both gender and math confused
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
