Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
