I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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