Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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