Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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