She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I need to calm my uterus...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
