As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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