I got chris browned last night
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
