You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
third nipple confirmed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
