I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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