I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
