she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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