checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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