Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
