Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
