There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do herpes really smell.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
