My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
