I just cut my nipple shaving
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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