i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
