it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
