Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
