My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No subtext here. People are naked.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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