She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
