normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
