it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
