how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
