Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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