I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
