ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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