you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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