I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
