Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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