i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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