Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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