Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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