I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
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so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements