Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?

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  (540): is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO? http://tfl.nu/qgse
  Replies (3) Good night (961) Bad night (555)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?

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  (512): HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter? http://tfl.nu/9l91
  Replies (22) Good night (654) Bad night (2498)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???

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  (216): she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job??? http://tfl.nu/mo3e
  Replies (32) Good night (1210) Bad night (4126)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.

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  (703): I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes. http://tfl.nu/8kb3
  Replies (22) Good night (959) Bad night (8838)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth

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  (219): I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth http://tfl.nu/0u40
  Replies (4) Good night (1939) Bad night (1171)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.

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  (814): Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever. http://tfl.nu/him8
  Replies (2) Good night (1434) Bad night (1562)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think the camel was justified in biting me.

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  (413): I think the camel was justified in biting me. http://tfl.nu/yr0l
  Replies (8) Good night (1760) Bad night (757)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.

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  (250): My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single. http://tfl.nu/erf4
  Replies (3) Good night (1479) Bad night (511)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.

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  (817): Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty. http://tfl.nu/lz9h
  Replies (5) Good night (481) Bad night (1340)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.

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  (501): There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success. http://tfl.nu/8q5q
  Replies (4) Good night (1470) Bad night (427)
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  (607): View more from New York

  It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.

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  (607): It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work. http://tfl.nu/ndnm
  Replies (5) Good night (832) Bad night (447)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area

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  (612): He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area http://tfl.nu/q3t9
  Replies (2) Good night (900) Bad night (419)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????

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  (513): CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT???? http://tfl.nu/8dlj
  Replies (3) Good night (561) Bad night (391)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  I put a zucchini in my pussy for you

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  (325): I put a zucchini in my pussy for you http://tfl.nu/c2jl
  Replies (8) Good night (562) Bad night (749)
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  (858): View more from California

  I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.

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  (858): I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away. http://tfl.nu/ji0d
  Replies (2) Good night (514) Bad night (167)

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