I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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