alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
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Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?