My friends, they love my intelligence
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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