apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
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I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
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Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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