Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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