i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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