I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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