How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
