Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
