I think I won the penis lottery.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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