Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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