i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
