Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
