we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
