Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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