Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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