Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
