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I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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