Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
it's like heaven, but drunker
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Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
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I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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