Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
