Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
