you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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