Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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