She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize