I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Welp...herpes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
