i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
