Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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