last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
