on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
