I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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